On Hazel McCallion

Your humble scribe has had the pleasure of meeting Her Worship Hazel McCallion C.M. on a number of occasions. It's said in Mississauga that you're nobody until you've got in trouble with the Mayor. I've been in her office in such a predicament. I can report an unusual number of stuffed fish on the walls.

It's been long understood in this town that she is unstoppable. Prime Ministers and Premiers may come and go, but you can't mess with Hazel. Hell, you can try and run her over with a pick-up truck, but that just seems to make her stronger.

Well, no longer satisfied with the power associated with the Mayor's Office, Her Worship recently tried her hand at a new job: SWAT team negotiator.

From today's Toronto Star:

It's Mayor Hazel to the rescue
Apr. 16, 2006. 01:00 AM
SURYA
BHATTACHARYA
STAFF REPORTER
Sometimes all it takes to end a standoff in
the city of Mississauga is for the 85-year-old mayor to simply turn up.
"It's the mayor. Come on down," said Hazel McCallion to a man perched on a
roof with a rope around his neck and staring down heavily armed Peel tactical
officers.
"He waved at me and even blew me a kiss," said McCallion when she
arrived at the scene Thursday and ended a five-hour standoff between Peel police
and Thomas Moreno, 65.
Earlier in the day, City of Mississauga officials
arrived at Moreno's Port Credit home to clean the outside of his property,
because a city order to clean up the house was about to expire. But Moreno, who
is known locally as "Tom the junk collector," misunderstood the clean-up order,
thinking they were going to evict him and tear down his house, the Mississauga
News reported yesterday.
City officials confirmed there were never any plans
to demolish the house. They were following up on numerous complaints from Port Credit residents. McCallion, who received word of Moreno's protest while
attending a meeting, decided to negotiate personally at 4 p.m. Peel police were
called to the scene at Queen St. West, off Mississauga Rd., at 11 a.m. and tried
to talk to Moreno, but he just shouted obscenities.

I can only imagine what will come next. Ever mindful of her civic responsibilities, perhaps we'll see future headlines:

"Hazel McCallion Rescues Cat From Tree"

"Hazel McCallion Wins Canadian Idol and Sells Record Number of Girl Guide Cookies"

"Hazel McCallion To Singlehandedly Do Mississauga's Garbage Pick-up - 'Screw Brampton,' says Mayor' "

"Hazel McCallion Performs World's First Brain Transplant - While Negotiating Hostage Situation With Bank Robbers, Reviewing City's Snowplowing Budget, and Spinning Twelve Plates to Flight of the Bumblebees."

"Hazel McCallion Defends City From Supervillain - Not Stephen Harper, Actual Supervillain with a Death Ray and Kryptonite." (That one was easy, though - she just flew around the world making time go backwards.)

I kid you not - her license plate says MAYOR 1. Kinda sounds like the Batmobile to me.