Let Me Axe You This
It was revealed today, faithful readers, that the suspected terrorists arrested over the weekend wanted to blow up the CBC (I imagine for letting their Olympic broadcast rights and Brian Williams slip away) and then attack Parliament and BEHEAD Stephen Harper.
I mean, we've all heard the stories - that Stephen Harper eats babies - but beheading? That's a little extreme, and counter-productive, I might add, in a minority government. If you're trying to get the Conservative government to meet your jihadist demands, the last thing you want is a smaller caucus.
Yes, I know I just wrote 'smaller caucus.' It's okay. I can do anything I want with my Nine Inch Column. However, I will refrain from offering alternative candidates for decapitation, lest CSIS or the RCMP or the CIA or the NSA or whomever adds me to some watchlist and I end up rerouted to some black site prison in Latvia or Cuba next time I try to fly to Vegas.
I will instead offer my favourite quote about Pierre Trudeau, from the late Canadian poet Irving Layton:
"In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination."
And I think most people would agree that Stephen Harper is no Pierre Trudeau.
Finally, your humble scribe's thoughts turn to Paul Martin. Does an involuntary retirement become more or less palatable when one discovers you are/are not/could have been targeted for beheading by radical terrorists. Does one think, "Whew, that could have been me," or "What am I, chopped liver?"
I mean, we've all heard the stories - that Stephen Harper eats babies - but beheading? That's a little extreme, and counter-productive, I might add, in a minority government. If you're trying to get the Conservative government to meet your jihadist demands, the last thing you want is a smaller caucus.
Yes, I know I just wrote 'smaller caucus.' It's okay. I can do anything I want with my Nine Inch Column. However, I will refrain from offering alternative candidates for decapitation, lest CSIS or the RCMP or the CIA or the NSA or whomever adds me to some watchlist and I end up rerouted to some black site prison in Latvia or Cuba next time I try to fly to Vegas.
I will instead offer my favourite quote about Pierre Trudeau, from the late Canadian poet Irving Layton:
"In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination."
And I think most people would agree that Stephen Harper is no Pierre Trudeau.
Finally, your humble scribe's thoughts turn to Paul Martin. Does an involuntary retirement become more or less palatable when one discovers you are/are not/could have been targeted for beheading by radical terrorists. Does one think, "Whew, that could have been me," or "What am I, chopped liver?"
posted by Benjamin Thornton at 4:02 p.m.
2 Comments:
Does one think, "Whew, that could have been me," or "What am I, chopped liver?"
Chopped and beheaded liver, presumably....
Ben - I am sitting in focus groups, somewhat bored as usual and so I read your column. Laugh out loud. As always. Thanks - now back to the listening. CK
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