Sling Blade

I have not forgotten you, faithful readers. While I'm sure it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, nevertheless I do confess disappointment in myself that nearly a month has passed without update.

But for now, onward and upward. Those of you in the Toronto area will likely have heard of the murder-suicide at the Delta Chelsea Hotel. It has since come to light that the murder weapon was a "Swiss Army multi-tool" with a five-inch blade.

As discomforting as a crime like this is, my personal fear is an over-reaction to Swiss Army Knives. Those who know your humble scribe know that his own SAK has gotten him out of a few scrapes (usually opening tightly taped packages or uncorking wine bottles). I would hate to think that some reactionary politician might impose an unwieldly registry or worse - an outright ban.

You think it's silly, but this is Ontario, where they banned not only pit bulls, but any dogs that resemble them. You gotta watch out for that Michael Bryant.

For the time being, though, the Nine Inch Column comes with a corkscrew, screwdriver and bottle opener.