Innocents Abroad

Your humble scribe was chastised this weekend by one of his regular American readers for the frequency of postings here on the column. As an ex-pat, he enjoys the news and commentary the Nine Inch Column provides about his native land. So, with that in mind, let's look at some Canadian political minutia.

Many faithful readers will have noticed how regularly I use Wikipedia to provide background information. It's an ingenious creation, and quite wide-ranging and democratic, if not always accurate. I enjoy the fact that with a minimum of extraneous navigation, I can jump from Simpsons hero the Inanimate Carbon Rod to astronaut Buzz Aldrin to Freemasonry to Halifax brewmeister Alexander Keith. I even found an article on the Cambridge Latin Course, and its hero Quintus Caecilius Iucundus, which I took in high school.

Now it turns out that Wikipedia is the handicapper of choice in the federal Liberal leadership race. According to the Toronto Star, the Wikipedia page tracking the leadership campaigns is a reasonably accurate way to guage the support each of the candidates have, particularly by the number of endorsements from Liberal MPs and Senators (including themselves).

Currently the breakdown is as follows:

Carolyn Bennet: 1 MP, 0 Senators
Maurizio Bevilacqua : 3 MPs, 0 Senators
Scott Brison: 3 MPs, 5 Senators
Stephane Dion: 7 MPs, 4 Senators
Ken Dryden: 3 MPs, 7 Senators
Martha Hall Findlay: 0 MPs, 0 Senators
Hedy Fry: 1 MP, 0 Senators
Michael Ignatieff: 31 MPs, 8 Senators
Gerard Kennedy: 14 MPs, 6 Senators
Bob Rae: 4 MPs, 9 Senators
Joe Volpe: 5 MPs, 0 Senators

Strange, nobody has asked for the Nine Inch Column's endorsement. What could that mean?

Master and Commander: The Far Side Of The World

Your humble scribe, like much of the country, has been following the plight of Canadian nationals stranded in Lebanon, and our governments efforts to see them safely home. Prime Minister Stephen Harper even flew evacuees home on his government jet, an act of airborne altruism more commonly perpetrated by celebrity action heroes like John Travolta or Harrison Ford.

So, with 80-odd people safely evacuated by that daring young man in his flying machine, the plan remains to get the rest out by ship - and it's not going particularly well, especially when compared to other countries' efforts. I can't help but think back to our old PM, Paul Martin and his once-beloved Canada Steamship Lines. Wouldn't it have been something to watch the Right Honourable Commodore on the quarterdeck of one of his former ships, Liberian flags of convenience snapping briskly in the wind behind him, pulling himself away from his vengeful quest for the white whale Moby Chretien and coming to the rescue of his fellow citizens?

Shiver me timbers.

This Just In

Your humble scribe has been scribbling elsewhere of late. In my pillar-of-the-community capacity as president and chair of the Mississauga Arts Council, my sage opinions on the municipal government's proposed arts policy are expressed in a guest column in the Mississauga News.

Sadly, a charming introductory anecdote was edited out along with a rather toothy finish regarding election-year politics and implied warnings for sitting politicians, but what can one do but keep fighting the good fight.

Vive la resistance.

Bait and Switch

Your humble scribe is still here, faithful readers, just a little busy. So, in lieu of something profound to say here, I'll redirect you. It's Monday again and that means there's new ShoHu.

Vive la France

In the interest of full disclosure, your humble scribe, through his paternal grandmother, claims one-quarter French heritage, displaced some 300+ years through Quebec, then Vermont, and then Quebec again. It's not something that often comes up in conversation, but given France's World Cup Final berth, I am choosing to jump on my genealogical bandwagon and hum La Marseillaise this weekend.

Today also marks the 550th anniversary of Joan of Arc's posthumous acquittal for heresy. I am reminded of Bernard Shaw's St. Joan, and perhaps my favourite exchange therein, among the clergymen discussing the charges against Joan:

CHAPLAIN TO THE CARDINAL OF WESTMINSTER: ... The Maid has actually declared that the blessed saints Margaret and Catherine, and the holy Archangel Michael, spoke to her in French. That is a vital point.

THE INQUISITOR: You think, doubtless, that they should have spoken in Latin?

BISHOP CAUCHON: No: he thinks they should have spoken in English.

CHAPLAIN: Naturally, my lord.


It's all so perfectly logical, isn't it?

I confess that I don't actually speak French beyond poutine and bibliotheque and voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir. Nor do I actually enjoy watching soccer (never could see what the fuss was about one-nil games won on penalty kicks). But I do have numerous Italian friends and neighbours whom I would enjoy seeing heartbroken in defeat on Sunday. Besides (and I know I'm being selfish - so sue me) an Italian win would mean traffic chaos. That's enough of a reason for me to root for the French.

The Germans didn't make the final, but they did give us the word schadenfreude.